All the little things are what keep bothering me. I miss the little things that we used to share. I wish that I could rewind us. I know that we can't, and now I'm just trying to pick up the pieces and put them back together again. It doesn't seem to be working. I get more and more discouraged everyday. I am getting better at the things that I'm bad at. Drinking, emotional availability and reflection are a few. I am certainly thinking more about things. I think that before I was so emotionally detached that it was difficult for her to know what was going on in my head. Hell, most of the time I was clueless too. I want to share every thought that I have with her. It just sucks that we had to break up for me to realize all of this. It sucks that I've hurt her so much in the past. So much that we are probably too far gone now. At this point in my life I don't want anything except to be happy with her again. I want to make up for all of the pain that I caused her. I wish she could ball of it up and give it to me. In a way I guess that she is. I have a hard time knowing if she is just being hesitant, or if she has already made up her mind that we will never get back together.
I have a long hard road ahead of me. It's heartbreak like I've never experienced. For the first time in my life, I want this relationship to work out. I know that we could be extremely happy again, if she would just give me one more chance. I hate that I've shot myself in the foot already. I can't take anything back, but I just hope that I can convince her that I'm a different person. I want to be a better person because of her. I want to be able to be the man that she loves, now and forever.
Well, tomorrow is another day, and I will try again to convince her of my true feelings for her.
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